Happy 4 year Anniversary!

My creation
Originally uploaded by Jaimemjfan.

4 years ago today I was tying the knot with my boyfriend of 6 years. (Do you know how wierd it sounds to hear the words "my boyfriend"). We've been busy since then. We moved halfway across the state and bought a new house. We've been to Jamaica, St. Thomas and Florida. Shawn has changed careers. I have switched jobs (twice). And most importantly, we had a baby.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a gooshy person when it comes to my love life. So putting thoughts to words comes as a bit of a struggle. I find it easier to tell other people how I feel about him than telling him how I feel about him.
I love him a little bit more every year. I appreciate more and take advantage of less. My post-pardum exhaustion gets the best of me sometimes and I get upset that I'm on my own during the (looooooooooong) nights, but I know that he's working hard to provide a better life for Rylee & I.
You never really know who the person you marry is going to grow into. Shawn grew a lot during our dating years - he went from good to bad and bad to good. There was a phase in the years before our marriage when I thought for sure we wouldn't make it - and there were times when I had no doubt that we would. I like the person Shawn has grown into these days. He's only getting better with age and I'm pretty happy with the life that we've made.
I love you, Shawn. Happy 4 year Anniversary!

Changes

So I hate change. Apparently so does Rylee. We both have more than we can handle right now in that department. I sent out an email recently to loved ones titled "When it rains, it pours" and boy is it pouring.

For starters, we have someone "stalking" the neighborhood lately and that has us on high alert and a little stressed out. Manny became infested with ticks last weekend. Shawn never opened our Red Sox tickets so the game we thought we were looking forward to attending was actually the day BEFORE he opened the tickets. 4 weekend tickets wasted - and the only game I was going to be able to go to. And, oh, did I mention that Rylee still gets up at 11, 1, 3, 5, 6 and 7 am to nurse? I am truly mentally and physically exhausted in every sense of the word.

Last week I got laid off from work. Now I haven't mentioned much about my job on here because like I've said before - I truly believe in jinxing. Until now I've had a job where I can take Rylee to work with me. Having her with me has been the best thing I could imagine other than being able to stay at home with her. I'm now scrambling to find a new job (and did I mention how busy AND exhausted I was even before this?) AND daycare for Rylee. This would all seem a cake walk if it wasn't for the fact that my CHILD REFUSES TO TAKE A BOTTLE. AT ALL. EVER. I am at my witt's end trying. I am so beyond stressed out about it that I don't know what to do. I have tried EVERYTHING there is to try - I've tried every nipple, every bottle, having someone else feed her, having her fed while I'm in the room, having her fed while i'm out of the room, "tricking" her by breastfeeding her and then switching, putting water in the bottle, breastmilk in the bottle, formula in the bottle. Feeding her when she's starving, feeding her when she's not. Nothing works. Today the pediatrician told me that it wasn't going to do any good for me to keep trying - that she would continue to refuse the bottle from me. You just don't understand the extent to which she throws a tantrum. She kicks her legs, pushes me away and screams until she is hoarse and throwing up. Today I thought her head (and mine) might simply explode from crying so much and so hard. How am I supposed to put her in daycare without a way for them to feed her? I am certain that just before they call me and tell me not to bring her back, they will end up beating her senseless because she's been crying for 3 hours straight. She doesn't cry herself to sleep, she doesn't give in and eat, she doesn't allow herself to be soothed - those are all things she needs the breast for - she just screams and screams and screams. This is definitely the most miserable and stressed out I have ever been. I just don't know what to do.

On a brighter note, I did get a beautiful bouquet of two dozen roses from my father-in-law with the sweetest, most wonderful note attached to celebrate my first Mother's Day. It was such a nice surprise!

So if any of you have any tips on getting a stubborn baby to take a bottle, please help. I'm running out of options. And time.